It started very early on, well before any actual showing. Things stopped fitting like they normally do. Waistlines became snug and bras suggested that I might want to step it up a size. At around week 14 or so, I tapped into an Old Navy end of season sale and bought three of the same skirt in different colors because it was loose and airy and had a comfy elastic waist band.

This metamorphosis continued rapidly and I’ve felt like Violet Beauregarde turning into a giant blueberry in Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Once the belly became visually apparent, clothes got even trickier.

A few months ago, I finally gave in to the need for an upgrade in the bra department and took to a proper undergarment store where I figured I’d get some good guidance from women who know about these things. I was only ushered to the dressing room and told to try on til I found what fit. Super. Thanks for the help.

I was getting dressed recently, looking all over the place for one of the purchased maternity/nursing bras, which I’d not put back in a drawer, but instead had probably strewn somewhere in an urgent bedtime plunge.

“What are you looking for,” Toph asked.

“I can’t find my bra,” I replied.

“How can you lose that thing?” he asked.

Its true. It’s huge.

When the winter weather descended on us, I was wandering around looking like a hobo in an oversized jacket because I had it on hand, it fit around my midsection and did the trick of keeping out the wind. My mom took note and one day a few weeks ago, a pretty red pea coat showed up at my door, sparing me of further winter fashion wreckage.

I’ve been both relieved and alarmed that clothes kept from college, mostly for sentimental reasons, fit me nicely in my current condition. Yesterday I wore a t-shirt from 1997 to the gym because it actually fit over my belly with some room to spare. If my twenty-year-old self knew then that her pregnant future self would call on the same clothes out of desperation, maybe I would have cut back a little on the college snacks.

I’m at the point where bending over to tie my shoes is difficult, so slip-on Mary Janes and such are incredibly functional and convenient. A few dress up occasions have required tights or panty hose for which I could find no maternity equivalent. I resorted to plus-size, which offer FULL coverage, completely over the belly, without feeling like I’m squeezing the baby out of me. Between being covered nearly 3/4 of the way with lycra in those hose and my giant bra, I am certainly a picture of a “wanton sex goddess”, as Bridget Jones would say.

The bigger the baby gets, the more likely it is that my pants slowly sag down off of my waist and shirts ride up to reveal my stomach as I walk around (and I’m wearing maternity clothes!).

These wardrobe malfunctions, though, are a small tradeoff for the baby bump they are (barely) covering.

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