Flavor of the Baby: Boy or Girl?
I read that 8 out of 10 people find out the sex of their baby before its birth. Though I was surprised by that statistic (really, that many?), I understand why people are eager to know as soon as the opportunity presents itself at the anatomy ultrasound. First, there’s the obvious logistical appeal: once you know if it’s a boy or a girl you can proceed with wall painting, pattern picking, or name searching made 50% easier when flipping through a book called “10,000 Baby Names”. Some people feel like they are lugging around a stranger in their bellies if they don’t know. After the sex is revealed, they can picture the baby better, imagine being parents of a son or a daughter, or even start calling Baby by his or her given name way ahead of its birthday debut.
I get all this and appreciate it. But Toph and I have really enjoyed being in the dark for these 36 weeks. It feels a little like a right of passage, having to wait and wonder. It’s the closest I’ve felt to the anticipation of Christmas morning since I was a kid.
We most commonly address the baby simply as “Baby”, though every once in a while we’ll try out a name we like or we’ll just call the baby an amalgamation of several of the names we like—boy and girl—at once. It’s a little like he or she has the upper hand, and is giggling at us out here trying to figure out which pronoun to use when talking about him/her (see?).
For me, there’s also the consideration of reserving the big reveal as sort of a carrot at the end of the long stick of labor. In the moment(s) of defeat, there will still be that huge, exciting, precious unknown sparkling hopefully ahead. Gotta get there. Want to get there. What else in life is as satisfying or exhilarating as that particular moment when you learn, “It’s a _____ !”?
The truth is, as we near the end of this extended eve of parenthood, the gentle daily tug-of-war between patience and pressing curiosity is one of the many, many things I’ll miss when it’s over and the big secret has been revealed.
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February 5th, 2010 at 5:42 pm
Tara…I love this post! Mainly because it allows me to air this story – and maybe some of my guilt – about knowing the sex of our baby!
You see, we weren’t going to find out, really, we weren’t. Admittedly this was more Matt’s urging than mine. I was always a peeking at the Christmas presents kind of a kid, I’m not proud of this. I went for my first ultrasound which is when I also had my amnio. I had to go to this fancy pants place in Beverly HIlls a friend referred me to since I was in LA working at the time. The time came to either look away or learn the sex and I confidently said “no”. And that was that. Then they gave me a dvd of the whole procedure. “Where did you go??!” my midwife asked me when I got back to Brooklyn. “What kind of place gives you a dvd of your ultrasound? Must’ve been pretty fancy.” And it was. So there I was with the answer in my hands, all I had to do was pop it into the player. It didn’t help having a conversation with my best friend who planted the notion of actually going online and googling both boy and girl ultrasound pics then watching my dvd to see what I could make out. Honestly, I didn’t think my untrained eye would even know what to look for, I just thought it’d be kinda fun! As it turns out I’ve got an eagle eye when it comes to identifying my unborn child’s genitalia. And there it was – a penis. NO mistaking. I walked into Matt’s office and laid the dvd on his desk and just said “um, I know the sex of our child. Why did I do this??!! Why? Why??!!”
He said, pretty calmly “Well, what’d you think was gonna happen?”
We’ve since confirmed this fact with our midwife. So I guess our surprise just came a little earlier. And we definitely were surprised, for some reason we’d been thinking it was a girl. This was a couple of months ago and all the things you mentioned about room painting and name picking has all become reality for us now. We are keeping this piece of information a secret from our family and close friends, we figure someone should be surprised.
That said, I’m jealous you get to find out on the actual day in all the hubbub. That’s gonna be awesome.
February 7th, 2010 at 12:47 pm
Another perfect post, Tara. I felt EXACTLY the same way and must admit that it is quite a treat to find out on his/her birthday!
February 10th, 2010 at 7:40 pm
I didn’t find out with either Ceara or Dominick. I was 100% sure Ceara was a girl, Jerry was 100% sure she was a boy, and he called my belly “Dominick” the entire pregnancy.
Dominick I was 95% sure was a boy. Jerry, again, was sure it was a girl. With Audrey, I was only about 90% sure, but at a diagnostic ultrasound, the doctor, busily playing with his newest toy, a 3-D ultrasound machine, calmly said to me, as I was turned AWAY from the screen so as not see “There’s the female genitalia.”
I managed not to tell Jerry. I did tell a few people, but not Granddad, who died just weeks before Audrey was born. I’ve always regretted not telling him. He wanted more granddaughters — thought he had quite enough grandsons. (sorry, Toph!)
February 14th, 2010 at 8:30 pm
What a great post. I’m currently at 34 weeks and wish I’d been able to wait to find out the sex of our baby. But, for various complicated reasons, I really really really wanted a boy, even followed one of those “choose the sex of your baby” books to the letter and was so sure it was one, so I figured I’d better make sure just in case. And she’s a girl. I’m glad I found out because it gave me time to adjust. I grieved for a couple of days and then I was fine. Now, I do feel close to her and I can’t imagine what it would be like to have a boy.
One of my friends really wanted another girl but chose not to find out; she had a scheduled caesarian for medical complications and wanted something to be a surprise. Unfortunately she didn’t cope very well when he turned out to be a boy. She may have had PND anyway, but she regrets not finding out.
As I said now I can’t imagine having a boy on the way, and my husband swears she’s still getting scalectrix and a pirate ship cubby house, even if it has lacy curtains in the window, so all is good